


Staring in the mirror with myself to blame

by RoseFoxFire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loki Feels, Odin feels, Odin tries, Odin's Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4468748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseFoxFire/pseuds/RoseFoxFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Odin and Loki's relationship wasn't always so broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Staring in the mirror with myself to blame

**Author's Note:**

> I was hit by some Odin-Loki feels while I was working on a short story which has turned into a monster and choose to write it down. This work has not been edited by a beta, so there might be mistakes. The title comes form the lyrics 'Hope of Morning' by Icon For Hire. I hope you enjoy it!

Odin sighed as he settled back into his seat in the Council room. He watched as Thor tore out of the room, shouting excitedly at the top of his lungs. It had been a difficult day. Arguing with the council, over seeing the public hearings and on top of _that_ , entertaining Thor.

 

He was ready for rest now.

 

“What’s that?” Odin startled at the question as it came from a small voice. Turning his gaze his eye landed on Loki, who was staring in amazement at the holograph hovering above the table. Odin smiled. It wasn't often that he got to have his younger son alone to himself without Thor or Frigga around. He had learned to treasure each occasion.

 

It often seemed, at times, easy to overlook his smaller and quieter son, especially when Thor was there demanding all of his attention. He tried though, to keep track of Loki to make sure that his younger son got his fair share of Odin’s limited time. Frigga usually made sure that Loki wasn't forgotten, but Odin felt that she shouldn't have too. It was with a pang in his heart that he often disappointed Loki. He wished that he knew how to change that.

 

“Come here Loki.” He invited as he patted his lap. Luckily Loki was still small enough for Odin to hold him this way. Putting a steadying hand on Loki’s back to help him balance, he reached forward to spin the image. “This is an image of the realm of Midgard, where the mortals live.”

 

“This is what you and the council are currently arguing about?” Loki asked his voice filled with both confusion and awe as he gazed wide eyed at the projection of the blue planet. “It’s beautiful.”

 

“Discussing, not arguing. A king never argues, though he may have a few spirited discussions. Occasionally too spirited I will grant.” Odin boasted playfully in a voice filled with a false bluster and smiled at the giggles his act received. “The mortals are starting to forget about us now, there memories and lives are too short. Some wish to leave them to themselves and withdraw all contact from there realm while they grow. Others are angry that the mortals are forgetting, and believe they should be reminded what Asgard has done for them and who is superior.” Odin sighed at the childishness of his council. “But yes, it is a very beautiful realm.”

 

Loki’s brow was crumpled in confusion and the look made Odin grin, his younger son was always adorable when trying to look serious. “I don’t understand.”

 

“Worry not Loki, the minds of the councilmen are often not guided by logical thought and are thus at times entirely incomprehensible. Someday you will learn how to pick out the worthy advice from the gibberish that usually spews from the average councilman’s mouth.” Loki smiled up at Odin as his brow smoothed. “Come let me tell you more of Midgard.”

 

Odin felt a sort of peace settle over him as Loki cuddled closer to him to listen. His rest could wait while he enjoyed a moment with his son. These times were rare enough.

 

***

 

Many centuries later Odin gazed at the hologram of Midgard, weariness settled into his very bones. He knew that it wasn't fair to resent an entire realm, but Odin felt it all the same. He could not help the feeling that Midgard had stolen both of his sons from him. Pitting them against one another. It wasn't the truth and he knew that, he was the one at fault. For not seeing Thor’s childishness and arrogance and not having the right words to save Loki, only the wrong ones.

 

( _“No, Loki.”_

_“Your birthright was to die!”_ )

 

Frigga would have known what to do, what to say. If anyone could have saved Loki it would have been her. But Frigga was no longer here. Dead because he couldn't protect her. They had still been at odds when she had died, because in one moment of stupidity Odin had let his anger guide him and in cruelty Odin had forbidden Frigga and Loki from seeing one another. That did not stop Frigga, of course. That had been Odin’s one concession to admitting that he had been wrong, to turn a blind eye ( _ha_ ) to Frigga’s visits.

 

Odin had been so angry at what Loki had done, and so scared by what he had seen on the Bifrost. He had watched as his youngest son tried to commit suicide right in front of him in reaction to Odin’s failings as a father. It had left him shaken and unsure of himself. Hearing that Loki had been alive was a relief, finding out that Loki was at the head of an invading army had been less so. As a King, Odin had done the right thing to lock away a dangerous threat to the realms. As a father Odin had done the wrong thing by not reaching out to his son and reassuring him that he had always had his father’s love.

 

Odin knew that Loki was still out there, still alive. He thanked the Norns everyday. He may never have agreed or condoned Loki’s actions, but he would always love his son. He had known from the moment that he saw the guard that it had been Loki in disguise. He just chose not to say anything. If Loki left to find happiness elsewhere than Odin would not stop him. Odin no longer trusted himself with Loki, especially with Frigga gone. It seemed that Odin was only destined to watch as he lost his family.

 

Odin sat there remembering a better time as he stared at the projection of the blue planet. And he regretted.

 

***

 

“What is that?”

 

Loki’s current contact looked up at his question and followed Loki’s gaze to the other side of the room. “Oh that? It’s a projection of Terra. Why?”

 

“No reason,” Loki murmured, sight still fixated on the hologram. “Where I’m from we call it Midgard.”

 

“Really? How strange.” His contact grinned before returning to his work. Loki ignored him, a whole galaxy away and the strangest of memories could still find him. He could still remember being in that room sitting on Odin’s ( _his father’s_ ) lap listening as he spoke of Midgard and her inhabitants, feeling warm and safe. He let himself indulge in the memory for a bit as he stared at the projection of the blue plant and felt the stirrings of regret. He pushed the thought away. Regret wasn't going to help him and he could never go back anyhow.


End file.
